Ruminations

I moved back to New York. I think it was a decision I made subconsciously long ago, like maybe the day I left it for San Francisco. They don't tell you, when you first move to New York, that the love-hate relationship you forge with this city is forever; or sadly, that it will always feel more like home than anywhere else; that each time you return it levels you like a stern mother, but simultaneously bewilders you to the point of inspiration. A city of foreigners! and it feels like home.

This last year of traveling and being with my family has been excellent; I feel grounded, calm, maybe even peaceful -- all these with little justification for feeling so. I've come back armed with a renewed sense of self and a 'wholeness' that I never had before. No doubt the city will slowly chip away at those things, but I'm hoping for the best.

I'm excited about the next two years. I didn't understand that committment was necessary, that it was something only I could do, and then, only in my own head. So once I did that -- made a decision, and stuck with it -- I felt a sudden peace. I can't say that I have figured out what my longterm goals are, but I don't think I can go wrong with just getting a good job right now. As long as I stay self-aware and honest, I think I'll be ok.